How not to do business...

Don't open stores till 11 AM - especially if you are a coffee shop, because, really, why would you want to sell coffee earlier than that?
Employ tons of sales staff who hang around sleepily. When a customer shows up and asks a question, look confused, scratch head or other unmentionables and stare as though you were asked to procure the yeti's front tooth. Or better yet, say "can I help you" and then when you are asked a question, call your equally clueless co-worker and pass the question on. Then you, melt away into the nearest wall.

On the phone, when asked for prices do say "maam, I don't have price list for you, but you do one thing, please leave advanced payment and when it comes in, I will send you a message". Spend 45 minutes ringing up the bill and try to make at least 2 mistakes while you are at it. On the way out, have the security guard glare at you in suspicion and watch while you juggle bags, wallet etc. looking for the sales slip that will then be dutifully punched.

My favorite experience of all time tho is the military canteen. My mom loves shopping there so we go every month. Here is the process, I kid you not - find everything in the store, load into cart. Empty cart at the counter, which incidentally is TEENY tiny and results in stuff falling off all over the place. After stuff has been rung up, put it all back into the cart then proceed to the next counter and empty again. Now someone will go through the bill carefully and recheck everything you bought, this is in case the scanner and the cashier made a mistake. Then you can finally put everything into the cart and go home. The ONE thing that works is they don't give you plastic bags, it's bring your own bag, which I LOVE... at least its a nod at being green!

This is how we get stuff done around here!